Episode 73: This episode shines a light on the often-overlooked experiences of mothers supporting adult children with serious mental health challenges or addiction. These mothers face the immense challenge of balancing unconditional love with the need to set boundaries, safeguard their own well-being, and navigate the weight of societal stigma.
Our guests are Judith R. Smith, psychotherapist and author of Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change, who shares powerful insights from her research on women over sixty who have become ongoing caregivers. Also joining us is Cathy Pereyra, a mother and mental health education/support group leader, who shares her personal experiences of navigating the challenges of supporting an adult child with schizophrenia.
Together, our guests and several contributing mothers reveal the struggles and resilience required on this journey, sharing their stories and insights into what mothers need to endure and thrive despite the challenges.
Broadcast: 12/1/24 & 12/9/24
Producer & Host: Debra Sloss, LMFT
Guests: Judith Smith PhD & Cathy Pereyra
SPECIAL THANKS TO: Suki Wessling for creating the “In Your Voice” story montage and to all the “In Your Voice” story Contributors: Amy, Nancy, Dawn, Jo and Shanika, to Youssef Hassanein and VJ Lukka for audio production, Patrice Vecchione for “In Your Voice” story coaching, Pati Palmer for transcriptions, Rebecca Levy for media outreach, Sarah Altman for community outreach, and Katrina Tattenham for advance research. Thanks also to acoustic guitarist Adrian Legg for composing, performing, and donating the use of our theme music, to vocalist Lisa Taylor for use of her song “Just Breathe”, and to Chris Zabriskie on Bandcamp for use of the song ‘Everyone will notice, no one will say anything.’
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RESOURCES
* Indicates a Monterey Bay Area Resource
Books and Articles
Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change by Judith R. Smith, (2022; 2024), Rowman & Littlefield – Examines the lives of women over 60 who unexpectedly return to parenting adult children with mental health or substance abuse challenges. Through interviews, Smith highlights shared struggles and captures the burden on both the children and their caregiving mothers.
Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor (2020) – Explores the lost art and science of proper breathing, revealing its profound impact on health and well-being. Traveling the globe, he uncovers ancient practices and modern research showing how simple changes to how we breathe can transform physical and mental health. Includes guided breathing exercises at the end of the book. Also available on audible and Libby. Our show guest Cathy says she uses a couple of the techniques almost every day for better sleep, improved concentration, and a calmer mood.
I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help by Xavier Amador (2020) – Offers a practical guide for helping individuals with serious mental illness or addiction accept treatment. Updated with new research on anosognosia and expanded strategies for using the LEAP method (Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner), this book has been a valuable resource for many families, mental health professionals, and caregivers. Our guest Cathy says, “this method has helped us when our loved one is agitated mostly. It has helped us bring the conversation to a calmer place where we are able to really work together.”
Professional publications on mothering in later life by Judith Smith. – Judith R. Smith is a feminist gerontological researcher. Her current research examines how older women/mothers make sense of their “difficult adult children” who have turned to them for financial, housing and emotional support. She has adapted her academic research into a book for a general audience, entitled Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change, Rowman & LIttlefield, Feb. 2022.
Feminist Perspective on Family Care: Police for Gender Justice. (Vol. 6) – by Hooyman, N. & Gonyea, J. (1995) Thousand Oaks CA: Sage Publications. Particularly applicable for students, scholars and practitioners in the field of gerontology, gender studies, and social work, this volume examines caregiving as a central feminist issue, looking at its impact on women socially, personally, and economically. The authors review how changing family structures, economy, workforce, and health care demands of needy adults have impacted women’s lives and propose a social model of care that is oriented toward gender justice–recognition of the work of caring and its impact upon women.
Support
Judith Smith’s Support Groups offered online, 10-12 weeks each, fee-based.
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)– The nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. Find your Local NAMI – There are more than 700 NAMI state organizations and affiliates across the country. Many NAMI affiliates offer an array of free support and education programs, as well as opportunities to get involved in advocacy work.
NAMI California
*NAMI Santa Cruz County – Free classes & support groups, crisis information and locally oriented resources and support and advocacy on the countywide level.
*NAMI Monterey County– Free classes & support groups, crisis information and locally oriented resources and support and advocacy on the countywide level.
Al-Anon Family Groups – Free 12-step support groups offered in most communities around the United States and in many communities around the world. Offering help and hope for families and friends of alcoholics. Family members have the opportunity to learn from the experiences of others who have faced similar problems. Self-assessment quizzes are designed to help you decide whether Al-Anon or Alateen might be able to help
Find an Al-Anon Meeting Near You
Find an Alateen Meeting Near You – a place just for teens affected by someone else’s substance use.
Media
Schizophrenia – Three Moms in the Trenches: This podcast, available on YouTube, and its accompanying Facebook page, are hosted by three mothers of sons with schizophrenia. Each episode features interviews, offering valuable insights, resources, and practical strategies for navigating the challenges of supporting loved ones with mental illness.
Advocacy Organizations
Shattering the Silence Coalition – Raises awareness and advocates for solutions to the suffering faced by those affected by Serious Mental Illness/Serious Brain Disorders through education, outreach, and grassroots reform.
Treatment Advocacy Center – Advocates for reform of how society serves people with severe mental illness (SMI) in order to prevent the suffering and harm caused by failing to treat SMI and to give all people whose lives are affected by it the chance to thrive.
Cathy’s Recommendations for Personal Care
*Curves Fitness Centers – This fitness center offers classes and videos you can do at home, as well in their gyms. Our guest Cathy says, “ for the first time in years I have been able to experience the benefits of endorphins during my workout. Mainly due to a new tool they offer called My Zone which monitors your workout and lets you see what move or exercise benefits you the most.”
EMDRor any kind of psychotherapy you are comfortable with. Cathy says “EMDR helped me with healing trauma so I was able to share stories from the past without breaking down. “ You can find a local therapist in your area at psychologytoday.com.
Family Grace and Living Grace Mental Health Support Groups at Twin Lakes Church in Aptos, California. Free facilitated support groups. Registration required. Cathy says, “Spiritual support has been very helpful during the darkest days of our son’s mental Illness episodes.”
Counseling Support
* Family Service Agency (FSA)of the Central Coast is a dedicated underwriter of State of Mind. FSA provides resources, support, and counseling services to adults and children. FSA believes in the power and potential of people of all ages and backgrounds to discover their own creative solutions and welcomes people of diverse cultures, genders, sexual orientations, ages, faiths, socio-economic backgrounds. FSA Counseling Offices offer Medi-Cal, Medicare, and low-cost, sliding scale services in both downtown Santa Cruz.
Phone: 831-423-9444 x200 and in Soquel 831-346-6767 x200.
* Shine a Light Counseling Center – Offering quality, affordable counseling at offices in Santa Cruz, Watsonville and Monterey. The center provides individual, family, couple and group counseling, including men’s groups.
Phone: 831-996-1222
Contact Guests
Judith R Smith, Phd, LCSW, Clinical Social Worker, Professor Emerita
Offering online support groups for mothers of difficult adult children.
Email: judithrsmith@difficultmothering.com
Cathy Pereyra
Mother of two sons & NAMI mental health education and support group facilitator
Email: Chattycathy.p@gmail.com
* Indicates a Monterey Bay Area Resource
